In the Evening
Outside, the music is steeped
In such ineffable sadness.
The ice-packed oysters on the dish
Have the sharp, fresh tang of the sea.
He said to me: "I really am
A true friend!" -- and he touched my dress.
How unlike a caress it was,
The touch of those hands.
This is how cats or birds are stroked,
How you gaze at a shapely equestrienne...
His calm eyes have nothing but laughter in them,
Under pale lashes of gold.
And the sorrowing violins, behind
a veil of smoke, intone--
"Thank the stars---For the first time,
You and your beloved are alone."
When Nikolay and I were first wed, he was desperate for me, he tried to end his life when I told him I didn't want to be together, I grew to love Nikolay as he loved me. Soon after we were married it almost seemed as if our marriage was suffocating him, his love for me diminished and he started to have affairs with other women. His love for me turned into that someone would have for their pet, I was now at best, a friend. Nikolay's infidelity led me to have my own affairs, with people like me, poets and artists, that helped my creativity flourish instead of hindering it.
